OK so in under 2 hours I am going to get into a cab and go to an ashram in the country side outside of chennai to observe complete noble silence and do nothing but meditate for the next 10 days. I am scared shitless. How fascinating that for a person who is at her core, exceptionally lazyy, the thought of doing nothing for 10 days terrifies me. I think its the understanding that I might lose my mind. Or the fear that I might lose some of who I am. I quite like who am and am less than inclined to change that. Yet Iwas drawn to this country to do this thing. I know it. I knew it from the first time i heard about it that I was going to do it, and it was going to change me. Theres a sense of destiny in me today that has my stomache churning with trepidation. Its like today is the last day of something. Like Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life. And then at the same time, the practical, pragmatic me is saying 'dont be such a silly bugger its just a few days and it'll be over before you know it."
I guess I just dont know and the unknowing is both as breathtakingly terrifying as it is incredibly liberating and soul cleansing. I dont know what will happen, I dont know what will change, but something big is happening in my life and I am running at it full speed ahead.
Wish me luck. Think of me. I will think of you. I'll see you on the other side.
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